Kentucky Newborn Marks 100th Baby Named ‘Donald Trump’


They say the most sincere form of flattery is imitation.  When Joanie and Clevon Syphkanker of Blumpkin Falls, Kentucky became pregnant with their second child, they had a feeling the baby was going to be special.  And being great fans of America’s most special President, they knew that if it was a boy, they’d name him accordingly.

Sometimes “special” means something else.

Yesterday, Monday February 4th, at 6:16 p.m., Joanie gave birth to the family’s newest member, Donald Trump Syphkanker.  At just 6 pounds, 6 ounces, he came into the world with a hearty cry of fury and confusion, just like his namesake.  He is the 100th child in the US since 2016 to be named for the President.

Clevon Syphkanker told the Blumpkin Falls Daily Mouth how he felt and why he decided to name his child so awesomely :

“Ah jest think he’s done so much for helpin’ ‘Merica.  Mah boy will go on ta do great things too, once we git ta feedin’ him hamburders ta give him smarts and muscles, and lettin’ him go at the tits fer mannin’ up.  Look maw!  You a gramammy!  Now ya gonna hafta start wearin’ yer drawers agin!”

Clevon won last year’s Blumpkin Falls crack sculpture contest with his entry : “Rabbitcorn.”

The Syphkankers, who are also cousins, will be leaving the hospital’s maternity ward this afternoon to return to their beer can art business trailer, where little Donald can meet his big brother, Lynrd Skynrd Syphkanker.

Little Lynrd has already learned how to make wine out of potatoes and is currently on probation for possession charges.