BREAKING: Arkansas Medical Examiner Says He Has Enough To Charge Bill Clinton

William Jefferson Clinton is a monster. Between him and his wicked witch of a wife, they have more than 300 confirmed kills. These, however, are always the hardest. Most of their murders are other scumbag politicians they have suicided or a bunch of guys is an embassy in Benghazi. These victims, however, we’re so young and innocent they were reported as “missing children” nearly 40 years ago.

According to Arkansas Medical Examiner, Art Tubolls:

“The Arkansas State Police uncovered the bodies of two young women, not much past their 18th birthdays, who disappeared after attending a party at the Clinton ranch in Jalakatuk. The Clintons were questioned after a friend came forward with some weird story about snake pits and goat leggings, but nothing ever came of it. Now, however, we have DNA that matches the Clintons. We just have to figure out which one and we’ll know who buried these poor kids.”

The shallow grave was not far from a public road less than 130 miles from where the Clintons last saw them. The ME puts the time of death at about 3 AM, so the Clinton story doesn’t actually work. Tubolls is convinced this will be the one to take Bill Clinton down for good — and maybe Hillary, too.

About Flagg Eagleton 104 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.