BREAKING: ‘Native Elder’ Arrested for Harrassment and Abuse of a Minor

The “Native Elder” who got in a young boy’s face in Washington yesterday might be a hero to liberals, but to the law, he’s a criminal. Elder Running Bear Beating Drum “Nate” Goldstein has been arrested and charged with abuse and harassment of a minor by the DC Park Police. The charges are a 3rd-degree felony and are punishable by up to 10 years in prison and a $50K fine.

There have been some discrepancies in how the incident was reported. At first, it was thought that the boys approached the Indians, probably to learn more about their culture, when this man started singing “your hat is ugly and your stupid face makes me sick” in Wampum-Apache. The others beside him, who are not even Indians but 2 Guatemalans and a civil engineer from Jordan, chimed in with “go back to the suburbs, you rotten, entitled little freaks” in Mexican.

As it turns out, that isn’t what happened at all. The brave youngsters had already been attacked by a group of black men, who are presumably Muslamic for some reason, just before the Indians started their fight. Some people are saying that the Muslamics and Indians were already there doing their thing when they found themselves confronted with a dozen or more “shameless little MAGA turds.” The spokesman for “Logic and Reason,” Art Tubolls, said:

“Their argument is that the boys were there that day to join in the March Against Women’s Rights and shouldn’t have been wandering around in their red hats, purposely using their privilege to taunt people for no reason other than the color of their skin. As it turns out, it’s much simpler: A group of ‘boys being boys’ made fun of the blacks they’ve been taught to hate by their ignorant parents and then took their hate to the next group of off-color people they coul find, smirking, smiling, and gleefully recording the whole time. They’re turds raised by turds in a school for turds.”

It doesn’t really matter what that guy thinks. In the end, the kids will go on to lead full lives as police officers, priests, politicians and judges who vote Republican just because. God bless this great country.

About Flagg Eagleton 105 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.