BREAKING: New Dem Will Swear In on ‘One Fish Two Fish’ While ‘Giving Your God the Finger’

Sabu Sabu Sabatari, the newly elected US Representative from Dearborn’s 2nd Congressional District, says his 1st Amendment rights are more important than your religion. Sabatari, whose given name is Ted Geisel, says he’ll swear-in on a copy of One Fish Two Fish by Dr. Seuss while specifically raising his middle digit along with his right hand to “give your fake God the finger.”

Unfortunately, nothing in the Constitution says he can’t swear in this way, unless he happens to be in Northern Kentucky or Gary, Indiana at the time. So Rep Sabatari says his first order of business will be the unraveling of Trump’s Christmas bailout, which removed the word Christmas from the federal ban list and allowed it to be openly celebrated, even in places like Dearborn that tried to banish the Lord’s birthday forever.

Vice President Mike Pence, who will have to swear him in, says he will administer the oath but refuses to hold his “unholy book.” Sabu Sabu says his boyfriends and their daughters will form a chain as the Great Flying Spaghetti Monster demands and hold the book together.

The White House has called the move a stunt and won’t comment, but the President may address the issue on Twitter on his personal feed, which is a totally different thing.

There’s already a petition making its way through the Federal Courts to make swearing-in ceremonies religious practices so the oaths mean something to the real God, not the ones some people make up to avoid going to hell.

About Flagg Eagleton 104 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.