BREAKING: NSA Wire Taps Catch Pelosi and Clinton Trading Top Secret Info

Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton have gotten themselves in a bit of a pickle. In their hunt for a way to take Trump down, they decided to trade top secret, classified material deemed very dangerous and redundant because of the sensitive nature of the information they were trading. The NSA, under the direction of the Trump administration, had the Clintons and Pelosi’s wiretapped — by phone, satellite, overhead drone, and van surveillance — for more than two years.

NSA director Bart Slutlo reports:

“Our agents in the field have discovered that Pelosi and Clinton have been trading classified secrets to non-government operatives and possible foreign entities. We could be talking treason here.”

The surveillance truck outside the Senate building where Clinton and Pelosi have met every day for lunch that both women in town, made the women simple to bug, according to field supervisor Art Tubolls:

“We put a taco truck outside Clinton’s Senate office, and in less than an hour, Huma Abedin took the bait and brought listening devices the women will never digest. Basically, we can listen to every word they ever speak — as well as several bodily functions, which is something we didn’t anticipate. So far, the intel has been fantastic.”

According to Stuart Boll of the Washington Examiner, the NSA has already leaked a bunch of the info, and it could put both women away forever. “It’s a serious breach.” said Boll, “One we may never recover from. “How someone like Hillary Clinton manages to keep a Senate office 20 years after retiring is amazing. Then, we’re supposed to believe she’s just meeting with Pelosi for tacos and not plotting the destruction of the country we all know they hate? It’s too much of a coincidence.

Sal Bluttro of the CIA, the same guy who proved that Clinton gave the stand down order in Benghazi in order to complete the sale of Stinger missiles, confirms our deepest, darkest fears:

“These women have acquired the deepest, darkest secrets of about 70 percent of the old white dudes in Congress. If we can’t stop them, the America we know may just change into a place people want to live, and nobody wants that.”

Ain’t that the truth. Lock these women up once and for all and for Christ sake, stay the heck off my lawn.

About Flagg Eagleton 104 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.