BREAKING: Ted Nugent Announces ‘Build The Wall’ Star-Studded Benefit Concert

Ted Nugent, one of the greatest figures ever in rock n’ roll, has decided to throw a benefit concert to raise money to help build the border wall. Nugent will use his massive influence in the world of music to put together a music festival that will “rival Woodstock.” The hope is that the three-day festival will attract conservatives rather than liberals, who will do more than dance around drinking and drugging. According to Event Coordinator, Art Tubolls:

“Rather than having self-proclaimed chemists selling doses of PCP, we’ll have respectably dressed young men and women collecting donations from concerned Americans. We believe we can raise no less than $50 million, which is way more than they need to start a wall somewhere. The law says once you start a federal project you can’t stop. We will make our lives safer from the small percentage of refugees who come here on foot.”

Nugent’s concert will be held at 128 Farm Road in Upstate New York, which is the property neighboring Lester’s Farm. The main difference will be the cabins, trailers and luxury tents available for rent overnight from the Trump Organization, all to benefit the wall. There are also two brand new bathing/changing facilities, one for men and one for women, and no — no crossies over — complete with private showers, changing rooms, lockers, a full gym, and an Olympic sized swimming pool.

The company overseeing the project is confident they can provide a safe environment for everyone that will also raise a bunch of money for a great cause. Open carry will be allowed, as well as concealed carry with a proper permit. Alcohol will be readily available and free in some of the more expensive seats.

This right here is what liberals don’t understand. Not only will conservatives put on the best show, they’ll also have the best time in between. Invited to perform are legends like Kid Rock, the Freedom Girls, Toby Kieth’s former drummer with Jon Voight on bass for none other than Hank Williams Jr., and to cap it all off, Dolly Parton will sing a tribute to lifelong Republican Burt Reynolds before Loretta Lynn takes the stage for her farewell performance to sing God Bless the USA.

If you can’t make it, Ted Nugent has personally asked that you take what you would have donated and hand it to a homeless veteran.

 

About Flagg Eagleton 104 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.