BREAKING: Trump Steps In by Executive Order-Restores Christmas to Dearborn

Christmas has been saved in Dearborn, Michigan, and it didn’t take much to do so. President Trump’s spokesman for the Office of Information and Propaganda, Art Tubolls, says Rudy Giuliani discovered just how easy it was during a brainstorming session with Alan Dershowitz on how to improperly or properly or possibly not at all bother to interpret constitutional law in a realistic or credible manner:

“It’s simple. The 1st Amendment and the 22nd Amendment both ensure Freedom of Religion, as do the Federalist Papers, the Declaration of Independence, and the Magna Carta. The city has been held hostage by a government of Muslamic Fallahs, elected by the slim, 61 percent Islamafied population, who thought they could remove the right for an entire city to celebrate a holiday.

Mr. Giuliani found that a simple Executive Order under the Restorative Clause of the 16th Amendment resets the 1st Amendment, superceding any local, county, or state ordinances or laws in effect. Basically, America is a Christian Nation, and the Muslamic Moon God does not reign supreme here. we do not speak in Allahu or offer goats for sacrifice, unless it’s for a really sweet page.”

Dearborn’s City Council was overrun in what Christians have called a “Muslamic Revolution” in 2012. According to the least racist person in town:

“They intimidated all the retired GM and Ford workers into staying home. They said Obama was gonna win Detroit so big coming out to vote didn’t matter. They kept the people of this once-proud city from seeing who they were allowing on the City Council. Once the Mayoral race was called and Musari al Jihadi was the victor, Christmas was over.”

Tonight, however, all that has changed as a Christmas Tree and full Nativity Scene were erected and lit, with fireworks, while crowds of faithful followers of the Lord gathered on the town common. One thing they’ll never be able to do is to take away our right to celebrate the birth of Christ on our public property. Christians pay for that property more than anyone. We should get to use it when we want.

About Flagg Eagleton 103 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.