BREAKING: Bush, Clinton, Obama Funeral Party Trashes Air Force One

President Trump was gracious enough to loan his personal airplane to the Bush family to transport dead President George H.W. Bush back home to Kennebunkport, Maine. They invited all the other past presidents and even the illegal Obama. In return, the “grieving family” showed their appreciation by leaving the plane a mess and vandalizing the bathroom and kitchen.

According to the US Constitution, a past President has the right to request official transportation, but the new administration doesn’t have to say yes. Georgey could have been shipped home UPS freight, but no…he got the full treatment out of respect. According to Trump spokesman Art Tubolls:

“They completely trashed the common areas of the plane. There were cookie crumb and candy wrappers everywhere. Somewhere over New York they decided to take Pops to Vegas, which is where things went bad. There isn’t a local airport than can handle a 747, so they landed in a strip of desert and used the hearse in the back of the plane to drive in and gamble a while with dead George sitting in the valet lot.

On the way to maine, they drank the bar dry, broke into the president’s office, drew tiny hand prints all over the place in permanent marker and scratched “For a good time, call Melania” in the bathroom mirror with the number to the White House switchboard. The kitchen is covered in empty ketchup bottles. The fridge is full of Big Macs that look and smelled like they’ve been urinated on. The Secret Service says Air Force One hasn’t looked like this since the last time Bill Clinton was on board.”

Sounds like they had a rockin’ good time, but at whose expense? According to the House Budget and Plane Committee, it will cost nearly $4 million to repair the damage to President Trump’s golden toilet alone. Federal prosecutors looked into charges, but hapneus corpum and juris prumidential are both suspended in-flight for security purposes. They may as well have had a purge party up there. Now they walk away, just like Scott Free.

About Flagg Eagleton 104 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.