COURTROOM BOMBSHELL : Spacey Admits Affair With Pence

CAN IT BE TRUE?

Actor Kevin Spacey, under fire for charges of molesting a restaurant worker, revealed this morning through his defense attorney, that he had been heavily influenced towards such actions by a tumultuous earlier tryst with Vice President Mike Pence.  Fox News Homosexual Expert Brian Kilmeade read Spacey’s full statement on the Fox and Friends morning show :

“In preperation for a coming season of my program, ‘House of Cards’, I had been shadowing several politicians in Washington for months.  I am a method actor, and I like to really have the character come across as believable. Especially Frank Underwood.  In my…meanderings…I was invited to a private dinner with Mickey.  That being Micheal Pence.  Mickey and I hit it off famously.  He revealed to me in confidence that he was quite taken with a busboy at the establishment, and demonstrated such by giving the young man a little pat on the derrier when he passed.  I found it adorable.  We were coupled inside of a storage nook in the Library of Congress within the hour.  It was absolute magic.”

After reading the statement, Kilmeade remained in the studio’s private restroom for the duration of the next 4 show segments.

Vice President Pence’s office has not yet responded, and prosecution counsel contends that blame for Spacey’s actions cannot be placed on a former lover.  At any rate, today’s proceedings certainly threw a blumpkin in the works.

In a related story, the White House chef is preparing chocolate pudding for the evening’s dessert.