UPDATE: Hillary Clinton Cleared of Monica Lewinski’s Murder

Hillary Clinton has gotten away with her 213th murder to date. Starting with an 11th-grade English teacher she was sleeping with in 1961, Hillary Clinton has amassed quite the list of dead bodies with her name on them. From suicides to plane crashes to “accidental shootings,” Clinton rivals have come up with some of the most interesting ways to die ever. Monica Lewinsky, the number one Hillary rival of all time, managed to live more than 25 years past her due date of when she smoked the Presidential cigar.

Clinton had no choice. Lewinski was too close. It was like Senator Leahy who was shipping millions of pounds of Bloogies around the country and had to be put down. This woman’s…indiscretions…are well-known, and nobody is denying anything. To kill her would be the first killing out of pure spite and without a political agenda.

Lewinsky died this evening when she was run off the Pacific Coast Highway by a refugee caravan headed for the sanctuary city of San Fransisco. Lewinsky, a lifelong Democrat, was a proponent for letting murderers into the country, so maybe this was just karma. The video of the accident, however, is something else. According to CHP Captain Art Tubolls:

“There’s a woman who looks an awful lot like Hillary smiling out the passenger window as the pickup truck carrying 28 Salvadorans rammed the side of Lewinski’s Prius. They may not have all meant it, but we’re investigating the driver’s connections to the Clinton Foundation. As of right now. Mrs. Clinton is cleared of any wrongdoing and not expected to be arrested.”

See that, patriots? Even though there is clear, indisputable video evidence that Hillary Clinton was, in fact, smiling and jeering and calling Lewinski names right before the moment of impact that the Dems are squashing. Rise up. Call Clinton’s office in Washington and tell them we’ve had enough. It’s time we took a stand and impeached this family and seized mall their assets once and for all.

About Flagg Eagleton 104 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.