BREAKING: Obama Caught With His Hand In The Cookie Jar

No surprise here. A standard audit performed on the doings of outgoing Presidents has found theft on the part of Barack Obama.

Normally, these routine audits take about a week and come up empty. They are just a formality. The auditors don’t actually expect to find anything but finishing it is due diligence and they take their jobs seriously.

This audit started out looking the same. The standard study revealed no wrongdoing but President Trump knew in his gut that something was amiss so he insisted they dig deeper and to keep in digging until they found something……anything.

Auditing of White House cameras always in masturbation and occasional orgies, auditors say.

And find something they did. It seems that in 2010, Malia Obama was selling Girl Scout cookies and brought a case home to pawn off on everybody in the White House, knowing they would never say no to the president’s kid – even Obama’s kids were corrupt like that.

Internal Auditor Sasha Sandhu tells us the rest of the story :

“Hidden cameras in the White House exist to catch the residents in wrongdoing. They’re everywhere – in the Oval Office, the kitchen, the bedrooms, the showers. They usually reveal nothing more than gratuitous nudity that we get off on but this time we found more.

On Nov 31, 2016, President Obama got high on bloogies which, of course, made him hungry. He helped himself to a box of Malia’s cookies and did not pay for them – not then, not the next day, not ever. Malia wound up paying for them from her own pocket after tearfully explaining to her Scout leaders that she had no idea what happened.”

Malia was heartbroken to know that her father was hooked on bloogies, so much so that he would get the munchies.

What kind of man steals cookies from children? From his own children, at that? The lows this man sunk to are unbelievable!

No charges are expected.