U.N. Demands United States Accept 2 Million Refugees By 2020


Representatives of the United Nations have drafted a written order to President Trump, demanding that the United States meet it’s designated quota of two million resettled Syrian refugees within it’s borders by the end of 2019.  Trump has largely ignored the U.N.’s directives ever since they laughed at him when he acted like an imbecile in front of them last year.

The event had many ambassadors asking UN coordinators where they were to go to gong Trump off the stage.

The President has not yet read the missive, since he doesn’t, in fact, read anything set before him, and can barely handle his daily regimen of learning about the world from Fox News, Kellyanne Conway, and Geico commercials.  Many administration officials believe alerting him to the demand would only confuse him into one of his frequent fugue states in which he marches in circles sucking his thumb and ignoring all outside stimuli.

The President’s latest brain scan. The marked red areas indicate adderall storms.

The U.N. believes that since the U.S. has sent troops to Syria to take on ISIS forces and aid resistance to President Assad, it bears some responsibility to care for the millions displaced in the ongoing civil war.  While Trump attempted to take the easy way out and simply command the embroiled forces gone, it hasn’t happened as of yet, because of reality, something long gone in what remains of the President’s head.  Will our country open wide and accept these new guests?  Let’s hope it doesn’t end up being a huge falafel mistake.

“Many of Chinese people wish to determine how fast you would roll down great mountain!”