$3B of Small Business Stimulus Deposited into Obama’s Kenyan Bank

Lock him up!

Millions of American small businesses are struggling to stay afloat while fighting red tape to get a share of the Emergency Stimulus signed into law by President Trump. Meanwhile, $3 Billion in Emergency Funds meant to help those small businesses were somehow siphoned off into a Kenyan bank account registered to Barack Hussein Obama.

Based on the initial investigation, the money transferred as soon as the Emergency Account was funded. It seems that several years ago, someone had set up an automated ACH Transfer that was triggered as soon as the Emergency Account balance exceeded $3 Billion.

Investigators have attempted to interview Kenyan banking and government officials, who would only supply the following statement by email:

“As you know, automated ACH transfers are non-reversible. At this time, we must wash our hands of the matter.”

Of course, former President Obama could not be reached for comment.

Here at home, small businesses continue to wait. Senator Mitt Romney, who is also a small business owner, told our Senior Correspondent Joe Barron the following:

“I applied for this Emergency Small Business Stimulus money three weeks ago. Since then, I have had to pay these minimum-wage employees out of my own personal fortune. Now, they tell me that the Emergency Fund is completely drained so it looks like I will never get that money back. I may have to cancel the service contract on my car elevator.”

Those workers are with you Mitt. God knows, hard-working Americans need this money.

President Trump is said to have Rudy Giuliani looking into this matter. Giuliani has a reputation for finding the truth where it does not exist so if anyone can get to the bottom of this, he can.

About Slatz Grobnik 10 Articles
Slatz Grobnik spent decades power-drinking with some of America's most popular newspaper columnists, learning all there is to know about Fake News. Now, he's on our side.