America’s Senior Citizens Are Willing to Die Early for the Economy

On Tucker Carlson’s show on Fox News, Lt Governor of Texas Dan Patrick said America’s older folks would be ok with dying to save the economy. Later, Brit Hume echoed the sentiments, and the Heritage Foundation agreed, America’s greatest generation is also the most expendable.

What’s better than a quick path to heaven? Especially when it will allow millennials to get back and go to the movies and make America great once again.  Dying for the greater good, to make America the shining beacon you know it always was.

When posed with this dilemma, many seniors signed right up. Judd Good, an elderly man from Pennsylvania was delighted to do what needs to be done. He and his wife of 47 years would have jumped at the chance if they could have, but only managed a slight hop due to their advanced age.

“If dying early means Americans can gamble again, count me in!!” he said, managing a smile through his tears.

So many older Americans are interested in giving up the golden years of their lives so billionaires won’t have to sacrifice anything, that a new company sprung up called “Heaven bound and Down”, a play on being six feet under and on your way to the Promised Land. A brochure shows elderly people playing shuffleboard and penny slots, and even private one on one meetings with the man Himself, Jesus H Christ.

Joseph Barron and Sandy Batt, the proprietors of the new venture, are excited to help to put older people out of conservative’s misery and saving the economy. They don’t see it as selfish, just doing a service to America.

“These people have outlived their purpose, they’re more of a burden on society than anything else,” Mr. Barron said.

They believe their grandchildren being deprived of their love and any memories they would have with them would be offset knowing that for a short moment in time, saving a false economy by a horrific president was more important. They’ll understand. It’s for America’s greater good, or as it’s known as, Donald Trump’s re-election chances or not depriving the CEO of this year’s newest Maserati car.

They don’t really want to die, but republicans think it’s for the best. Whatever it takes to re-elect Donald Trump and save the super-rich the indignity of missing out on a few bucks.  

Saying goodbye before your time should be easy for you when it comes at the right price.