Fidel Castro Posthumously Endorses Bernie Sanders

While Fidel Castro died on December 25, 2016, shortly after President Donald J. Trump’s landslide electoral victory, he apparently had one more thing left to do before he met his maker: endorse Bernie Sanders for the 2020 Democratic nomination. According to a confidential source, in a secret meeting held in Havana only months before his death, Sanders and Castro discussed Sanders’ humiliating defeat to Hillary Clinton in the summer of 2016. The main topic of discussion was allegedly how to prevent this from happening again in the next election.

In a secret pact, the sordid details of which are known only to the two participants in the meeting, Castro agreed to posthumously endorse Sanders with an official presidential decree, signed before his imminent death. In exchange, Sanders allegedly agreed to promote Cuba’s Communist agenda in the United States after he becomes president in 2020.

Asked for commentary, Sander’s campaign manager for Cuban Affairs, David Lawrence responded:

“That meeting never happened! Besides, nothing of the kind was ever discussed during that meeting that never happened! All they did was smoke Cuban cigars, tell fart jokes and talk about how Hillary Clinton always smells like cabbage. Man.”

Sandy Battista, spokeswoman for the Fidel Castro Presidential Library in Hava Nagila added:

“We have no official records of such a meeting ever occurring. Had such a meeting actually occurred, we would have no official records of it. Case closed, comrade Plonker!”

The old Shakespearean adage “they doth protest too much” would seem to apply here. A meeting that never happened. A meeting for which there are no official records. Yet somehow David Lawrence, a trusted Sanders insider, is fully aware that Fidel Castro knew that Hillary Clinton smells like cabbage. Well, something definitely stinks about this story, and it’s not just cabbage!