Nancy Pelosi Committed To Rehab

Where’s Nancy now, you ask? In Rehab. With such busy daily news cycles, it’s easy to overlook when someone vanishes from the public eye. Unless you’re a drunken Nancy Pelosi.

A nurse at the Sandy Batt Treatment Center in Iowa City confirmed today that Speaker Pelosi was a new patient at the clinic. We were informed that the staff was to say this committal was voluntary. Riiiight.

“It didn’t look voluntary when they dragged her in here. She was cussing and fussing. She tried to spit on an orderly and her dentures flew clear out of her mouth and pegged him in the head. I was shocked by what I was seeing.”

Under voluntary admittance rules, the patient may leave at any time. This is foolish and unlikely true, given her increasingly erratic antics this month that peaked in a brawl with Mitch McConnell. This is insanity.

Nancy’s drinking has been an elephant in the room that the mainstream media refuses to talk about. There can be no more cover-ups now. Suck on that one, libs.

Perhaps this will curtail her exuberant spending on snooty booze, her favorite being a martini drink she calls the “Impeach-mintini“, which has cost the taxpayers $81,053. To think that the libs have the nerve to complain about Trump’s weekend golf outings. He donates his salary so he earned those trips.

So hypocritical.

With Nipping Nancy out of the way, Congress is free to put forward bills that will sit on Mitch McConnell’s desk while he thoughtfully ponders on how their passage will reflect on President Trump, and then look at them some more. Possibly. He’s a very busy and important man.

We’ll continue our coverage of Rehab Nancy and make sure that she doesn’t escape.