Pelosi Blocks Stimulus Checks to States That Don’t Close Churches – Mosques Can Stay Open

What has our America Become?

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (Demonrat – CA) announced that she would use the Power of the Purse to block President Trump’s stimulus checks to people who live in states that allow Christian churches to remain open.

Pelosi said that there would be an exception for Mosques who want to hold services. When asked why Christian churches had to close but there was an exception for Mosques, she told us the following:

“I’ve been in those churches. I know what goes on in there. They have one bathtub of water and a bunch of people stick their head in it. They crowd into the benches. They sing and spread spittle everywhere. They all eat a little cracker from the same plate, then drink cheap, boxed wine from the same glass. Normally, these silly rituals are harmless but today, this behavior will spread disease like a bunch of rats. We can’t have that.

At the Mosques, all the worshipers do is kneel on a rug, then bow over and over again. They don’t have a bathtub. They don’t sing or eat or drink. They are always six feet apart and they even bring their own rug. It’s very sanitary. There is no reason they can’t worship.”

Senior correspondent Sandy Batt spoke with Pastor Phillip Mianis, Deacon from the Church of Perpetual Grift who was quite angry:

“Satin’s trying to keep us apart. We have a constitutional right to eat the cracker. We have a financial obligation to pass the collection plate. Don’t even ask about fuel for my Lear Jet. We can’t do any of that if I can’t pack the church deep into the rear.”

America is a Christian nation. Americans have a right to go to church. Let’s hope President Trump can find a way to put an end to this nonsense.

About Slatz Grobnik 11 Articles
Slatz Grobnik spent decades power-drinking with some of America's most popular newspaper columnists, learning all there is to know about Fake News. Now, he's on our side.

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