Obama’s Ex-Lover: ‘He Meant Everything to Me’

In an interview on OAN earlier this week, Graabir Boubi, the former lover of Barack Obama, wistfully recounted their days together while both were studying at the Wasabi Madrassa in Birnin Zana, Wakanda, then only a province of Kenya. Now a bartender at President Trump’s posh Mar A Lago resort, where he spends his days spying on the president and his guests, Mr. Boubi says he still keeps in touch with his ex paramour, but misses the good old days when they were a loving young couple:

“Barry and I were a great couple. We were inseparable, and we did everything together. He meant literally everything to me. We used to take romantic evening walks on the beach, followed by dancing nekkid around the bong fires, burning Barry’s Kenyan birth certificate and smoking the devil’s lettuce. Twice a week we would attend deep state training camps, where we learned to infiltrate and subvert the government. In fact, it was at one of those meetings where we first met that Chineeser woman Jade Helm and her boyfriend Ben Ghazi. Back then Ben was just an aspiring revolutionary and Jade worked at the local strip club.”

Mr. Boubi went on to say that the relationship came to an abrupt end after Obama met his now-wife Michelle in the basement of an Illuminati Temple during a Satanic ritual held by Grand Wizard Joe Barron. They were introduced to each other by Hillary Clinton, George Soros, and Soros’s girlfriend Sssssssonya, one of the lizard people assigned to the temple. These days they still talk to each other weekly via encrypted communications, during which Mr. Boubi recounts what he has overheard at Mar A Lago and they discuss secret Deep State operations.

One cannot help but feel bad for Mr. Boubi, who was obviously a loyal and faithful lover. To cheer us all up after this sad story, let’s bake a cake!