The CEO of the Ford Motor Company, James Hackett will be announcing that the historic automobile manufacturer will be moving its global headquarters from Dearborn, Michigan to Denton, Texas, citing Governor Gretchen Whitmer’s liberal policies.
Ford spokesman Joseph Barron confirmed the details to move the headquarters, which have been located in Michigan since 1903 to Texas because of several reasons.
“Ford is an all American company, it always has been. We’ve made subpar trucks and cars here for over a century and have charged American car buyers more than these pieces of crap are worth,” Barron said.
He went on to point out the many reasons for the move.
“We’ve been here in Dearborn for a long time and watched our city and state transform into something most of our brain dead customers just can’t deal with”, citing how Dearborn is now an Islamic hot spot with wonderful people and that Gretchen Whitmer is just far too liberal and has too much common sense for the average Ford truck buyer.
“We know where our bread is buttered, and it’s the MAGA hat-wearing knuckledraggers, and we think Denton, Texas is the best place to get in touch with our ignorant base.”
Ford has lost quite a bit of business in the last few years with police stations across the country realizing that Ford police cars break down far too often and auto buyers wanting to own vehicles that don’t lose nearly 100 percent of their value just after they leave the dealer’s lot. The good news for Ford is many MAGA hat-wearing imbeciles love their pick up trucks and use the money that is supposed to go to child support to purchase these trucks.
“They’re ain’t nuttin like a big ole Ford pick ’em up truck with a rebel flag on it!” exclaimed Denton resident Sandy Batt. “I’m gullderned excited that they gonna bring Ford down here to pollute our air and water to make substandard automobiles!”
Many residents were concerned with the starting wage as Texas is pretty anti-union and Ford has set a $9.50 an hour starting rate to work on the assembly lines.
Moving to Texas will show buyers that Ford is in line with conservatives and Christians in America, who love Texas for no other reason than its Texas and stupid people love cowboy hats.